Are You Giving or Receiving Too Much in Your Relationship?

By Nicola Beer
7 Minute Read

A Balancing Act – The Importance of Receiving Love and Giving Love

It’s better to give than to receive is a phrase that is used far too often and often without any explanation. It is definitely good to give but it’s not necessarily better. What’s important is that we have a balance between giving and receiving.

To have balance in your life and in particular in your relationships it’s important to strike a balance between how much you give and how much you receive. When we give and receive in equal amounts in life, we are in balance and we are working with the laws of the universe, not against them. Life, as we know it is about balance and everything depends on this finite quality. When our environment, our body or our relationship is out of balance things can start to go very wrong. It can often lead to marriage problems.

For some people receiving is seen as a sign of weakness and in some cases a fear of dependency or a fear that there might be strings attached. Alternatively, a difficulty in receiving could also be as simple as a belief that we hold that we don’t deserve what is being given to us. Lastly, it could be as basic as bad habit that we’ve learned from a parent. If a person grew up in a family where one parent gave all the time, always put other people first and themselves last then it’s highly likely that the child of that parent would mimic that giving pattern later on in their own life and also become a giver.

To identify if you are more of a giver than a receiver, look at your own experiences as a child. What were your parents like? How did they act? Did you see them both give and receive or was one parent the giver and the other one the receiver? DO you see any connection between how you were raised and how you act today? Once you have identified which side of the fence you are on – are you more of a giver or more of a receiver, it’s time to look at how you and your partner can get to a place of balance to avoid marriage problems. How can you start to receive more today and feel just as good about receiving as you do about giving?

1. Start with something small. For example, if your partner gives you a complement about your outfit and how great you look in it, don’t try and undermine their genuine attempt to be nice and deny them that feeling by saying something like ‘Oh that old thing’. A simple thank you is all you need to say. It might feel awkward or even uncomfortable but the more you practice saying thank you instead of rejecting and pushing away complements, the easier it will be to accept them and believe them.

2. Identify any beliefs that you may have about receiving. Do you truly believe that it’s ok for you to receive or do you feel guilty about receiving? Beliefs may feel like they are permanent but with a bit of work they can be replaced with new beliefs that will work for you rather than against you. This can solve many marriage problems.

3. When you believe it’s ok for you to receive then giving will open up doors for you to receive. The more you give, the more you will receive. However, do remember be wary of this as we should never give with the intention to receive. The Universe will reward us for giving but we shouldn’t expect it. The way to look at this to trust that as you give in life, so life will give back to you. It might not be when you expect or in ways you ever imagined and it may not even from the person you are hoping to receive from but if you trust that as you give you will receive – so it will be.

4.Lastly, remember how good it feels when you do something really selfless for someone else and focus on those feelings. Don’t deny others the chance to feel good by giving to you. When you think about not receiving something, whether it’s your partners affection, complements, love or even gifts, think about how good it feels to give and give that person the opportunity to feel those great feelings by allowing them to give to you. Giving and receiving love, attention and affection can keep marriage problems at bay.

Bringing balance back into any relationship is neither hard nor easy but it does require commitment and consistency. The more we open up and allow ourselves to be vulnerable with our partners the quicker and easier it will be to foster change.

So if you are a giver, practice receiving, if you are a receiver practice giving and notice what comes up for you. Keep the flow of abundance in your life by practicing both giving and receiving and remember that neither one is better than the other and that they both work in harmony to create balance. The more you receive the more you have to give and the more you give the more you will receive.

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Author's Bio:

Nicola Beer is an International Relationship & Divorce Coach who helps her clients find peace and create a new beginning after Marriage Breakdown and Divorce. This includes helping couples on the verge of a breakup to resolve their relationship issues once and for all so that they can revive the love, passion, respect, and fun that's been missing.

As well as helping clients during and after Divorce to manage stress, create more income and adjust to new financial realities, redefine who they are, create a new social life, and when they are ready to attract someone great. Nicola also runs 2 parenting programs that support children through and after divorce.

Nicola has combined 11 years' experience helping people with emotional issues. This comprises 7 years private coaching and 4 years as a volunteer for the Samaritans where she supported callers dealing with any emotional distress. She is UK certified in Coaching, Grief Recovery for Adults and Children, NLP, Time Line Therapy, Hypnosis.

Nicola's passion for supporting people before, during and after divorce comes from her own childhood, where due to the stress of divorce her mother suffered a mental breakdown. As 1 of 5 children the divorce was devastating for her family and affected each of her family in different ways. More recently Nicola's older sister with 4 children is going through a difficult divorce. Having experienced and seen the pain and stress associated with divorce Nicola is focused on proving solutions. She knows divorce doesn't have to mean disaster and takes her clients and their children from surviving to thriving. She is equally passionate about saving marriages, so has a program to overcome relationship problems.

Nicola works with expats and locals, Muslims and Non-Muslims from all over the world, mainly from Dubai, London, India, Saudi Arabia, Singapore, either in person for a 2 day intensive package or further afield US, Australia via video conference and phone.